‘The Gospel Invites Me to Overcome Hate,’ Says Mother of Murdered ISIS Hostage James Foley

La Croix: On August 19, 2014, the day after the announcement of the assassination of your son by ISIS, you declared on camera: “We pray that the death of our son unites our country. He would never want us to be filled with resentment. We pray for the strength to love.

Where did you find, at this precise moment, the strength to say these words?

Diane Foley: The night before, I had cried my whole life. In the morning, I gathered my courage, asked God to be with me, and my husband and I went out to the front of our house. We were not interested in dwelling on the tragedy; something good had to come out of it. This is what our son would have wanted. It was also our duty: we had to protect the hostages who were still alive.

By then, ISIS had already announced who was next on the list… Jim (the nickname of his son James, editor’s note) gave his life trying to show the world the suffering of the Syrian people and move us from compassion to action. The only thing my husband and I could do at that point was try to bring down the temperature in the country. America was in turmoil. After his death, the Internet cried out for vengeance; some called for special forces to carry out targeted assassinations. Not us. Above all, we wanted to calm things down.

In this message, you called on the country to remain united in the face of this ordeal.

What is the situation 10 years later? Does America seem more divided today than it was then?

Obviously, for several reasons. Since then, democratic debate has deteriorated, largely because of social media. They are toxic echo chambers; we only meet people who think like us. As a result, we remain within the circle of our certainties. Naturally, this paralyzes the debate. Additionally, in recent years we have seen a strong rise in far-right ideas and the white supremacist movement.

And to top it all off, we had the Trump presidency, which further polarized the country. It has only divided us further. However, what we need is the opposite: let’s stop emphasizing our differences and celebrate our diversity! But I remain optimistic, even if, to be honest, it is much easier to be pessimistic! (Laugh.)

What makes you remain optimistic despite everything?

I remain optimistic because I am convinced that, on an interpersonal level, Americans are still capable of communicating beyond their differences. For example, I disagree politically with my neighbors, yet I love them very much. We get along without any problem. You just have to keep things in perspective.

What do you mean by keeping things in perspective?

Between their values ​​– which are not mine – and who they are as people. They are very generous, warm and caring people. They are not defined solely by their beliefs. In any case, I refuse to reduce them to that.

So, do you distinguish between identity on the one hand and opinions on the other?

Yes, that’s one way of putting it. My neighbors, for example, are worth more than their opinions. I also strongly believe in putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. This is essential. Take all those who denigrate our leaders. Sometimes they do this with extreme hostility, even spreading crazy conspiracy theories!

I don’t think that way, but I try to put myself in the shoes of a very poor American or a single mother who is struggling to make ends meet, and I realize that when they see Some politicians take advantage of their position for personal gain, which unfortunately happens – it’s understandable that they have a very low opinion of our leaders. While I refuse to fall into that kind of bitterness and resentment, I can understand why some people do. I don’t agree with their conclusions, but at least I have some understanding. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is essential.

You are such a fervent defender of dialogue that you even went to meet Alexanda Kotey, one of your son’s kidnappers, in prison. You spoke to him in October 2021, just before his life sentence. For what?

I wanted to try to understand how someone could commit such a horrible act. Taking an innocent person, torturing him, killing him… how is that possible? I hoped that by meeting Alexanda Kotey, I could better understand her journey, the stages of her radicalization, etc. I also wanted to tell him – and this is the mother speaking – how extraordinary my son was. He was an exceptional reporter, always on the ground to show the truth from every angle.

“Overcoming hatred is precisely the challenge to which the Gospel calls me.”

He said to me: “You know, mom, the truth is complex. » It’s so true… In his very approach, Jim was the opposite of his torturers. ISIS fighters believe they have the truth, and they believe there is only one truth.

You could have easily demonized this executioner and refused any dialogue.

How to overcome hatred?

Phew… That’s a big question! And yet, I never felt like I had to make an effort. Reducing someone to a monster, no, I’ve never done that. No, I’m lucky to have pity. A lot. I am deeply religious, and overcoming hatred is precisely the challenge the Gospel calls me to. I tell myself every day: “Lord, make me an instrument of peace. » I said the same thing about him.

How did he react to your compassion?

He said he was sincerely sorry for what we had experienced because of him. He also said that, at times, I reminded him of his mother. When we parted, he shook my hand, even though it goes against Islamic principles. I’m sure something in him has changed.

Earlier, you mentioned that you were more inclined to optimism…even though it’s easier to be pessimistic.

Why is optimism more difficult?

It is more demanding because it requires a lot more effort. Pessimism feeds on itself, while optimism requires working for the common good, acting according to one’s abilities. Being optimistic means constantly asking yourself, “How can I help make things right?”

So, do you remain optimistic about the critical weeks ahead for America?

Absolutely. Nothing will be easy, but we all have a role to play. I refuse to lose hope.

(1) American motherwith Colum McCann, Etrusca Press/Bloomsbury Publishing