‘Playing for England is supposed to be great, but I was in a dark place’

She opted for the latter solution but, for a time, she completely distanced herself from the English system. She wouldn’t check scores, track them, or want to hear about them. However, when she began to enjoy the game again, her goal transformed into enjoyment and success. England stopped being a source of intimidation and became a source of inspiration.

“The dream was to get back in the England jersey and be able to say: ‘I had a good match’,” she said.

It’s a statement that speaks to the cruel and often irrational nature of the mental side of cricket. Look through the scorecards from Smith’s first stint for England and you’ll see that at a time when she was ’embarrassed’ by her performances, she was producing results.

This summer of 2019 saw her take two for 22 against the West Indies. A spell that included the wicket of Hayley Matthews, one of the best players in the world.

But the brain doesn’t work that way. And it was only through the support of friends and a series of excellent performances in domestic cricket that Smith rediscovered love and learned to “embrace competitiveness”.

This change in approach ultimately led to her being recalled by England in February, after five years away from international play.

The Women’s Premier League clash in India and England’s tour of New Zealand meant a handful of players missed the first part of the series and opened the door for her to return to the organization. It was a call she describes as a “complete shock,” but one that confirmed the international stage was where she wanted to be.