I know my ex prisoner is bad news but I can’t stop thinking about him – I’m obsessed

DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I know my ex-prisoner is bad news, I can’t stop thinking about him.

I’m obsessed and would do anything to get him back, even if he treated me badly and hurt me.

I’m 40 and he’s 48. I started writing to him in prison during lockdown, when I was alone after my marriage broke up.

He was so funny and interesting that I quickly fell in love with him.

Then I started visiting him and our time together was magical.

I don’t know exactly what he did, but it must have been bad because he’s got a life sentence – he’s already served 15 years in prison.

I told him I would wait until he was released so we could be together properly. I said he could move in with me.

But our relationship became toxic. He became very jealous and paranoid.

Then I discovered he was writing to other women and we broke up.

I was devastated.

One night I went out with some friends and ended up having a one-night stand with a man I met at a bar.

I missed my ex and started writing again.

He kept asking me if there was anyone else while we were apart.

Finally, I confessed.

I thought he would understand but he dumped me and called me a whore.

It’s been six months and I still cry myself to sleep.

Why do I miss him so much?

DEIDRE SAYS: You miss him for the same reason you fell in love with him in the first place: you seem lonely and dissatisfied with your life.

Perhaps writing to a prisoner was exciting and, ironically, “safer” than a relationship with someone on the outside, because you couldn’t be fully together.

But it became toxic.

Rationally, you know you’re better off without him. But emotionally, you’re still stuck.

My support pack, Addictive Love, will help you understand your obsession with him.

Another support pack, Raising Self-Esteem, might also be useful.

Talk to a counselor about your feelings so you can overcome this and move forward.