Dear Abby: The singer in my husband’s band should be me, not someone else.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I played in a band together. He played guitar and I sang. He now has another singer in his band and I’m having a hard time containing my feelings. At first, he was invited to an existing group that she was already in and he accepted. But then that group broke up and got back together, and he kept the girl in it. He knows how much I want to sing again. I kept trying to resurrect us as a duo or original group, but having him work with me was like pulling teeth.

I was a singer myself before him and since, but he was never honest with me about why he didn’t want me to perform with him anymore. It affected my self-confidence so much that I almost gave up singing. It kills me that I gave up my artistic identity because of this. The fact is that it is only a local player; it’s not the big time. He had his peak years ago, and she’s just average. They don’t have an audience or crowds lining up to see them.

I tried to support him because he needed confidence. But I’m like two people: the supportive woman and the manipulative green-eyed monster. To add insult to injury, she made it clear that she didn’t like me by deleting me on social media. She named the group after herself and posts provocative photos of herself in the group all over the internet. I hate feeling this way. I don’t like who I am. Do you have any advice? — JEALOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JEALOUS: Although the band was initially owned by your husband, at the end of your letter you state that the singer named the band after her – which leads me to believe that the band is now his and he is his employee . The fact that this new group isn’t doing particularly well could mean they won’t last very long. You had a singing career before meeting your husband. Maybe it’s time to consider resurrecting it and reclaiming your own artistic identity.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter became a widow a few years ago. She is now getting married for the second time. She and her fiancé are financially stable. They both have good jobs and are financing the wedding themselves. They have plenty of furniture and other household items.

My question is: what can we give them as a wedding gift, or how can we help them? Would it be appropriate to offer to pay for the wedding cake and champagne for the reception? Any other suggestions would be appreciated. — PARENTS OF THE BRIDE

DEAR PARENTS: Why not propose your idea and ask if your daughter has any other ideas on how you can help her. Because she and her fiancé have good jobs and are paying for the wedding themselves, consider offering to buy them something for their new home, like an appliance, or contribute to their honeymoon.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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