How to treat “Rebecca syndrome”, as this disease affects more than half of the population – Health

Anyone can get jealous in a relationship, but for some, even the thought of their other half’s ex-partner is enough to ruin their day.

This is what happens to people with “Rebecca syndrome,” also known as retroactive jealousy. The problem mainly affects people when they see, imagine or hear someone they like, or even love, in the arms of someone else.

It’s not exactly a moment that everyone enjoys and one that makes many of us uncomfortable (I’m sure I’m not the only one who would rather not know about the incredible romantic journey of a partner in Paris with his ex).

But for millions of people, Rebecca Syndrome can be extremely damaging to a relationship, creating unnecessary resentment.

Here’s everything you need to know to cope and manage these negative feelings.

People are jealous all the time (Getty Stock Image)

Rebecca syndrome explained

You probably haven’t heard of Rebecca Syndrome. But you may have heard the story about how it got its name.

The syndrome is named after the 1938 novel Rebeccawritten by Daphné du Maurier, which follows a young woman who marries a rich man. She can no longer cope after moving into his house, because the house and the local community are still devoted to his first wife, who died.

A work of fiction, of course. But a situation that anyone would struggle with at that point.

This is where the syndrome gets its name, everything to do with a sinister jealousy and hatred towards your current partner’s former partners.

It becomes somewhat pathological and illogical when there is no reason to trigger such a reaction. After all, it would be more justified if you came across suspicious messages between your partner and his ex.

A 2017 study by Superdrug found that around 66.7% of relationship participants admitted to seeking out a partner’s ex, a figure that drops to 65.8% among married couples.

Chartered psychologist Louise Goddard-Crawley told Newsweek that Rebecca syndrome “is rooted in retrospective jealousy, where individuals become obsessively preoccupied with their partner’s past relationships, even if there is no rational basis for it.” their jealousy.

The novel “Rebecca” was made into a film in 2020 (Netflix)

Why do people suffer from Rebecca syndrome?

Psychotherapist Toby Ingham has written about this condition and believes it can be attributed to our upbringing and problems within our families.

“What surprises me is how little connection we make between what happened to us and how we feel about ourselves,” he explained in an interview with Vice.

“There are things they’ve experienced, things they already knew, but they just haven’t made the connection to what it’s like to be an adult in an adult world.” , he continued.

“The label can give you a starting point, but after that I think it’s worth looking at it in more depth.”

Social media can make things worse, he adds, because it’s now easier than ever to find images of your partner with an ex just by scrolling down their Instagram feed.

Scrolling Social Media May Fuel Rebecca Syndrome (Getty Stock Image)

Treatment of Rebecca syndrome

Coming to terms with Rebecca syndrome can be very difficult and “very painful,” says Ingham.

But he points out that “if you don’t go down that path, chances are your relationships will still fall apart because you’ll be prey to a kind of paranoia that you don’t matter and that anyone who came before you was a more satisfying and important partner.”

One of the best ways to try to resolve the issue in your mind is to not ask about your partner’s past lovers. Don’t ask, I don’t know.

We’re all adults and we know that your partner has probably been with people before you. But being mature about it is the best way to not let the problem take over your mind, says Ingham.

He emphasizes that we must “watch ourselves”. This includes things like not going through your partner’s phone, which for many is an absolute no-go zone and a complete violation of trust. Stay away from social media if you have a wandering mind, given the likelihood of running into their exes or even searching for them.

If you’re really struggling, experts say using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could work. It’s a type of therapy that identifies negative thoughts and helps you move away from them, linking them to behavioral triggers in your wider life.

Some may find their difficulties rooted in anxiety. If so, talk to a doctor about potential medical remedies.